January 2003 Guestbook
January 5th 2003
Sent: Monday, January 06, 2003 12:22 AM
Bill does have a lot of courage!!! And he probably was amazed
too at how many silentlambs there really are. Absolutely, God
is blessing the goodness of Bill's mission. It would help the
silentlambs greatly if you would post your story in the Abused
Lambs area of the site.
So sorry you were subjected to being betrayed in a Kingdom Hall
by the CO praising the man who sexually abused you. There are
no secrets among friends. They call themselves the "friends" but
as you said yourself once the truth was out, you were abandoned.
Thank you for posting here. There is story after story, all have
the same "plot" and you are not alone. God is with
you, Bill and anyone who has been betrayed, exploited, oppressed
Sent: Monday, January 06, 2003 1:49 PM
I was up all night last night, same dream, same faces, same
questions that have haunted me for over 20 years. I was a child
of JW family, I never was a JW. I make that clear, because my
participation was forced and my subservience was acquired through
punishment and intimidation. I was molested for a period of about
5 years by a ministerial servant, who also happened to be my
step-grandfather. My step-father unfortunately fell right into
his father's footsteps. My life as a child was akin to a POW
camp, beatings, humiliation, ostracism and isolation, brainwashing. . . . . .
and that was only the beginning. All my life I have asked the
same questions, never to be answered. . . . WHY WHY WHY? I prayed
and read my bible and prepared for every single meeting, please
Jehovah, protect me, make it stop. I made deals with God, if
you make it stop, I'll dedicate my life to you. But it didn't
stop. I told so many within the congregation, so did my little
sister. No one helped, no one saved us. We would hold hands and
pray, but instead of our prayers being answered, things got worse.
We had a big meeting at our house, all the elders and my mom
and step-dad and us children. We were told to stop wearing t-shirts
and sweaters and blue jeans. We were tempting him, it was our
fault. My mother was told to lose weight so that my step-father
would be attracted to her sexually. It was everyone's fault but
his. He showed no remorse or repentance, and they left us there
to pay. Pay for telling, pay for reaching out for help. My mother
hated us, we were now competition. My step fathers beatings got
worse, he got away with it and now he had no reason to fear.
The congregation shunned us, we weren't welcome in our peers
homes, people whispered about us. We had no association in the "world" we
had nothing and nobody but each other. We all escaped eventually,
my brother ran away at 15, my sister at 14 and I left at 16.
We all had problems with drug and alcohol abuse. Bad marriages,
and psychiatric treatments, both in and outpatient. Neither my
sister nor I can go into any church, even though its been 20
years. Its like every time you eat at a restaurant and you get
food poisoning, you can't even look at a restaurant without getting
sick to your stomach. I can't look at a Kingdom Hall, or any
church for that matter without my knees shaking and an undeniable
urge to run. I have made peace with my past, my Mother who never
protected me, my grandfather who loved me, yet molested me for
5 years and even my step father whose sadism made our lives worse
than any hell the bible could describe. I forgive them, they
were sick. But all the brothers and sisters in our congregation
who turned their eyes away from our suffering, them who could
have eased our pain, hunger and torment, for them I can find
no forgiveness. They say it is their duty as Christians to be
persecuted for their faith, I say the persecution heaped upon
us as children makes their persecution nothing. May each and
every one of them suffer half the torment my sisters and brothers
did for half the time we suffered, and may God have mercy on
their souls. Thank you silentlambs for giving me a voice and
soothing my shame.
Sent: Monday, January 06, 2003 8:01 PM
Hello, I am so, so sorry about what you, your brother and sister
went through. It is horrible beyond belief!! I am so, so sorry
for all the pain - - emotional, mental, spiritual, physical that
you have suffered in your life. I hope in time you can purge
that poison in your system, all the toxins flowing through your
soul. I am so sorry. I hope you and your brother and sister are
getting counseling. I hope you are all learning as much as you
can about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, how to live with it,
and how to get help for it. Please, please know that there are
many people who care deeply about you, who are rooting for you,
and are here for you through silentlambs. Please don't feel shame.
None of it was your fault. You are not the one who should feel
Sent: Monday, January 06, 2003 10:42 PM
this is an awesome site. its very touching. i would love to
Sent: Tuesday, January 07, 2003 3:12 PM
Sex Abuse Victims and Advocates to Deliver Stuffed Animal and
Service Bulletin to Local Church -----
Further Lawsuits Filed against Church -----
WHAT: Victims of sexual abuse in Jehovah¹s Witness congregations
will deliver a stuffed lamb as a symbol of abuse awareness, also
request to post a service announcement on the bulletin board
of a local Kingdom Hall and make statements about their abuse
as Jehovah¹s Witness children. They will also announce the
filing of a lawsuit in the Second District Court at Las Vegas
, Nevada on behalf of children sexually molested in a Yerington,
Nevada congregation by Dan Fitzwater, now jailed in the Nevada
State Penitentiary. -----
WHEN: Thursday, January 9, 2003 ; 10:30 a. m. -----
WHO: Former Jehovah's Witness elder William H. Bowen who started "silentlambs," (www. silentlambs. org)
a support group for victims of child abuse who were molested
as Jehovah¹s Witnesses, spoke out on 5-28-02 NBC's Dateline
program about how children are being harmed by Watchtower policy.
Abuse survivors and child advocates from the Las Vegas area will
WHERE: Jehovah¹s Witness ³Kingdom Hall," 1335
S. Mojave Street , Las Vegas , NV , on sidewalk outside front
DETAILS: Four (4) plaintiffs are filing a lawsuit against the
Watchtower Society, the policy-making authority for Jehovah¹s
Witness congregations, and ministerial personnel in the Yerington
congregation where Dan Fitzwater served as a Lay Minister. A
document created by the Jehovah¹s Witness hierarchy admits
seventeen (17) girls complained of being sexually molested by
Fitzwater. William H. Bowen of silentlambs states, ³It appears
this person used his relationship to the church to draw young
girls to molest. ² -----
Notwithstanding these complaints from seventeen (17) separate
children, Dan Fitzwater was allowed by church officials to retain
his position of authority within the church, allowing him access
to other children. At present, Fitzwater remains a Jehovah¹s
Witness in good standing, while serving time in a criminal facility
for child molestation. -----
Contact: www. silentlambs. org, William H. Bowen:
Comment from 1/97 elder letter:
There are 17 girls that have accused Dan Fitzwater of child molesting.
Five are from Yerington, the rest from other states. ²
Sent: Tuesday, January 07, 2003 7:23 PM
I feel grief. . just pure grief for what you have had to endure.
I don't have any words to express to you my sorrow for what you
have had to experience and then the hard work of working thru
it all to find yourself.
When I was late 30's I wanted God in my life and it took me
until I was 51 until I could accept that God was there even when
I was a child unprotected, being abused, slaughter. What I came
to find is that I have a love for righteousness, and a love for
what is good and only God could have put it there after what
I have been thru. Now don't get me wrong - I have done terrible
things when I was in my 30's and early 40's. . . things I am learning
not to hate myself for. I use to ask God why would I need you
NOW? Where were you when I was little? Took me until 51 to realize
I hate what is bad and I love what is good and that is the love
of God. At least, that is how my process worked and what I came
God cannot be contained in a Church or building, yet he can
be in our little hearts. A religious building is a trigger for
you - it represents betrayal, being exploited. I would imagine
it makes your adrenalin run to the tune of panic attacks. . . would
You are not alone here. I wish that I could take all your pain
away. . . I would gladly take it from you if I could, carry it for
you if I could. I use to wish I could hang myself out on the
clothesline and let the wind blow all the yuck out of me, and
I could start clean & fresh. You know how good clothes smell
dried on the line.
Please come back. If you want you can email me, let me know
and I will make certain you get my email address. You are a gift
Sent: Tuesday, January 07, 2003 6:39 PM
This would be a good time for Dateline to do a follow-up story.
Since the airing of this episode, many silentlambs came forward
and now lawsuits are being filed left and right.
Sent: Tuesday, January 07, 2003 9:09 PM
Does anyone know of a quote from the Watchtower Society stating
that family members will not be punished for testifying in court
against another witness?
My Father is being asked to resign as an elder because he testified
in court to help me get a Protection From Abuse Order against
my ex-husband (who is an ex-elder). Does anyone know how we can
fight this? HELP !!!
Sent: Saturday, January 11, 2003 5:53 PM
hi mole, jesika, john, SLC, claudine, lin, jay and any others
mention. just come back to see how things are going.
mole, i absolutely agree with you when you said in a previous
WTS use Gods name and forget Christ.
Bill, keep up the good work! we're all still behind you 100%.
get back over to good old Blighty again.
John, have you learned to control your temper yet? ;-)
Jes & Lin, lots of hugs and kisses to you two.
Sent: Tuesday, January 14, 2003 2:31 PM
****the mole**** it seems the old saying nothing stays the same
is so very true. . . . . . . . . . . my interview with the c/o in my area
made no results or drew out any apologies of any sort. A stiff
neck people they are and closed minds they have trained themselves
to be. They pray over a meal to thank god for all they have been
blessed with, in the same breath they will ask for dooms day
when all they have thanked god for will be gone. Just imagine
a theocratic government ruled by men like these, Christendom beware
because what we have seen from the ancient days is nothing to
what these men in charge may do people in our future if their
government does take power, so why stop at disfellowshipping when
torture can change the minds of the doubters and unbelievers.
Here's a quote for the governing body . . . . " thine loves the
same world that mine hates, thy heaven doors are my hells gates. . " William
Sent: Thursday, January 16, 2003 5:08 PM
Subject: Washington Lambs, please read!
I am writing to inform you that Rep. Mary Lou Dickerson's bill,
adding clergy to the list of mandatory reporters of child abuse
heard in the House Children and Family Services Committee next
January 23rd. The hearing will be in House Hearing Room C, John
O'Brien building (the House Building). The Committee begins at
though the bill is not the first item on the agenda.
Rep. Dickerson would like interested people to come and provide
at the hearing. She is especially concerned that victims offer
testimony in support of the bill. Please let me know whether
would be interested in attending or know of others who might
Please feel free to contact me with any questions, and I hope
Joanna Arlow, J. D.
Rep. Mary Lou Dickerson
Sent: Wednesday, January 08, 2003 9:23 PM
Subject: THANK YOU
For so many years I thought that I was crazy. I had so much
pain and I didn't know where it came from. I have memory lapses
and I suffer from anxiety and low self-esteem. I am much better
at 33 than I was when I was younger. I was continually molested
by my only family members and by persons within the Jehovah's
Witness organization. I have no proof and no witnesses. All I
have is a lifelong fear and sense of self-hatred. I have tried
to come to terms with what happened to me and make some sense
of it. What I have concluded is that the organization of Jehovah's
Witnesses is sinister and criminally allows the molestation and
rape of children. It chills me to the bone to realize that I
was once at the mercy of people who I now believe to be demonically
Sent: Sunday, January 19, 2003 11:18 PM
To: GUESTBOOK@SILENTLAMBS. ORG
Subject: Reply to Current Posts
I was trying to figure out how Monica was able to get such
a colorful post. . . red and bold. Very fancy!
Every time I read another story my heart breaks.
Welcome sister who wrote she had been sexually abused by many
members of her family and is out - (thank God) from the WTS and
to Monica who is so bold she posts in red who is out also. . . in
more ways than one!!!! LOL. . . couldn't resist.
God loves you both and don't ever, ever forget that! I ask you
both to read your bible and especially concentrate on how Jesus
died for us and the friendship, love or promises He offers which
are not false or trite. Know that He is kind, and just. Maybe
not today, but someday when you are lonely, scared or depressed
when everyone in the world has let you down you will find that
Jesus has nothing to do with the WTS.
We are here for you always. Please come back.
Hi Rich. . . . where have you been?????
And To the ***Mole***I know you are in a tight spot but once
you decide who your Master is you will be free. AS john from
the bronx says so eloquently. . . Freedom in Christ. Now, that is
Sent: Thursday, January 23, 2003 8:31 PM
Subject: thank you
Hi, I my name is Melissa and I wrote the anonymous story on
Jan 6th. Just wanted to say thanks for all the support everyone
offered. I think being able to tell the children of my family's
story was more therapy than all the years of counseling I received.
No one who isn't familiar with JW organization can even begin
to understand the isolation and humiliation that we went through.
I am now a functioning, loving mother of 2, and its even harder
for me now to understand why anyone would hurt a child. But even
more disturbing than the perpetrators actions, were the inactions
of probably 200 adult members of that congregation that chose
to look the other way. Choosing instead to protect their organization.
Sent: Saturday, January 11, 2003 11:37 AM
Subject: CHILD ABUSE
SAW MENTION OF CHILD ABUSE IN MORNING PAPER. WENT ONLINE AND
FOUND YOUR SITE. WHY HAS THE NEWS MEDIA IGNORED THIS PROBLEM?
A MENTION OF THIS PROBLEM IS NOT ENOUGH. PS I HAD JUST DOWNLOADED
YOUR SITE WHEN TWO MEN KNOCKED ON THEDOOR. I ASKED THEM TO NEVER
COME BACK. WHEN I MENTIONED CHILD ABUSE IWAS ASKED IF I HAD READ
ANY OF THEIR ARTICLES ON THE SUBJECT. FROM WHAT I HAVE SEEN ON
THE SILENT LAMB SITE I WILL NEVER NEED TO READ THEM. GOD BLESSS
Sent: Sunday, January 26, 2003 11:51 AM
Subject: website on silent lambs
I am so happy to see that so many people have the courage to
fight the fine fight to bring the perpetrators of this terrible
crime to justice and to bring to justice those who refuse to
to take responsibility. Keep up the good work! I am happy to
say I am no longer associated with this organization.
Sent: Tuesday, January 28, 2003 11:19 PM
Subject: dear 'help' from tuesday Jan. 7th
Hi, I hope this helps, I found it in the press section of this
site, their may be more helpful press releases too! :-)
Sent: Tuesday, January 28, 2003 11:01 PM
Subject: Hi everyone?
Hi, been off a bit. . when I came in, sight I was surprised yet
pleased it was back to the original. . . Always thinking of all
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2003 7:53 PM
Subject: hi all
rich i read and posted to you on jwd , and i like a lot that
you say. . . . i left little hints who i was. . . . and yes i'm calm
at TIMES. . . . BUT NOT WITH ZOMBIES. THAT HOW IT IS i hate lairs. . .
who use god's name in vain. . . . so i see you are doing good . . .
bless you and mole is doing good i see . . . and soapbox. . . . etc. . . .
it is all the same when you see the light the wt is full of s**H
. . . I HAVE A tough way in exposing the wt . . . but someone has
too show that side. . . as i've seen you do , some need to go right
for the throat!!!! freedom in christ . . . . johnny cip
Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2003 9:01 PM
I just finished watching the fifth estate. I am appalled by how
this CULT can put their prestige and ignorance before there
children!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD WILL GET YOU FOR HURTING HIS CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sent: Thursday, January 30, 2003 10:41 PM
Subject: Supporting silentlambs
I am hoping you will post this message of support even though
I am not a JW. I was also sexually abused and I know the pain
it causes and still feel like I am an outcast because I disclosed.
However, I am not writing to get into all of my issues. I am
writing to let the silentlambs know that I have heard them and
I will support them by distributing pamphlets in my community.
Although, I also have another way in which I would support them. . .
JW's often come to my workplace to distribute their magazine "Watchtower",
many people will ignore them, but I believing that all religions
deserve equal respect will listen and accept their magazines.
I will not do this anymore and I will tell them why. Until they
can live up to their sacred words and to their children, until
I see change and proof, I will not accept their presence in my
workplace. I will also spread the word to those that I know will
take action. I would also like to make a suggestion to have a
section on this website where people can view letters of support
from people across the world.
Sent: Thursday, January 30, 2003 2:35 PM
Subject: My thoughts
I've read many of the victims testimony's and it has left me
confused. I was raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Two members
family were sexually molested by our uncle, that was also a baptized
Witness. The subject never surfaced until 25 yrs after the fact.
Uncle had already been disfellowshipped (for other reasons) and
whole family had left the "Truth" on their own accord.
brought against him and the fight is still pretty much alive.
I would like to make is, being a witness or not, people can still
in the authorities. Why keep it among themselves???
I do believe it is the best place for any criminal to hide because
authorities are excluded by everyone, even the victims parents
keep it hush hush from the outside world. Witnesses are Not above
law that I know of. I think this really should be brought more
the open like the Catholic victims did. Everyone should yell
out loud so
hear. God will love them even more.
Sent: Friday, January 31, 2003 12:04 PM
Subject: Former Jw
I saw the program on CBC last night and my heart went out to
all that have been victimized as children growing up as Jaw's.
Everything that I heard was true. Yes I believe a lot is known
about different abusers in the congregations around the world
and these people should be accountable for their actions. Yes
there probably is a record of these people at the different Bethels
and these records should be given to the proper authorities and
these people on these records should be punished as anyone who
has done this type of damage to children be punished. Growing
up as a Witness I was sexually fondled by my Grandfather who
was an elder and I told my Mother about it and it was my fault
for being a to close a person for showing affection. I know that
talking to my sisters and cousins that he had to fondled them
and no shame was brought up against him as I know of. Years later
there was about 8 of the elders in that congregation that were
told to step down and my Grandfather lost his eldership and I
don't know the circumstances to that but I wouldn't be surprised
if some sort of abuse had been found out and dealt with by their
standards and not by the letter of the law. My Grandfather is
dead now and I hated what he did to me and the ones that I know
that he abused and I will not take that hatred beyond that. Still
I hope that the cases in Canada and the USA goes through and
anyone with information of abuse be reported and dealt with and
children who are isolated as witness children are are not forgotten
or neglected again. Arlis.
Sent: Friday, January 31, 2003 5:09 PM
Subject: Checking in
Hi everyone this is Penny. I am back in school full force working
on my Bachelors Degree in Counseling. I am very busy so will
not get here as much as i use to. I am praying for each one and
thinking of you and i will try to write at least once a week
but don't hold me to it. Keep up the good work on exposing the
lies of the JW'S
I am behind you 100 percent even though i am not here all the
time But i need to get this degree KIDS need people that understand
there pain and i understand