February 2003 Guestbook
Sent: Sunday, February 02, 2003 3:18 PM
Subject: guest book
I love this website. Thank you Bill for giving us a forum to
share. I hope that I can help others with their situation. If
anything when we all come together and make our voices strong--
they will have to hear us and make necessary changes.
Sent: Sunday, February 02, 2003 1:44 PM
Subject: Thank God the silence has been broken. . .
I have just spent a few hours on this site after seeing most
of the story on "The Fifth Estate. " I have a long time
friend who is/was raised a JW and still. I think the story and
this site now explains why she doesn't contact me any longer.
I know there was tremendous emotional abuse from her father all
of her life and even in his death (he blamed her for his stroke
when she finally yelled at him after hearing all of her life
what a stupid cow her mother was. ) both of us are 42 and I met
her when we were 11. It's sad that I have lost her but I will
pray for more now. I am survivor of child sexual assault and
have successfully charged my abusers. She knows of all I have
gone thru and it pushes buttons in her and what she has to heal
from. She became an alcoholic at age 11 -- her sister shunned
me all the time and said Jehovah would help my friend heal from
the alcoholism and it was not my business. The mother, father
and one brother did not ever shun me but the elder siblings did.
My friend was baptized a few years ago and ever since then she
has completely withdrawn from me. This situation has helped me
to realize that I am not crazy and that there is nothing wrong
with and I didn't do anything wrong to cause her not to have
anything to do with me. I have always respected her beliefs even
though I do not believe them and can not be converted. It is
so sad as she is a talented artist and poet but of course now
I understand why she didn't ever pursue any of it -- she has
risen to the ranks of head maid at a downtown hotel in Toronto
but faithfully goes to all her meetings. What a waste of God
given gifts. I use to see her mother throwing out her art work
and then tell my friend that she ought to be doing things like
me: crocheting and knitting. The true talent was in the art her
amazing daughter was creating mot me following a pattern. My
friend has suffered great with the lack of self-worth, self-esteem
and I can see now where she thinks she is just a servant. Thank
you for this site and finally coming forward and doing the story
with the Fifth Estate. The people who were on the program to
tell their stories and the ones on this site are all very strong,
brave people and need to praise themselves for helping the rest
of the world.
Sent: Monday, February 03, 2003 2:53 PM
Subject: Wanting to say Hi to everyone
Hi everyone. Jesika here. I haven't been here in a while, but
wanted to say hi to the new ones here.
I saw the CBC show and I think they did a wonderful job.
I really hope they will eventually see they NEED to change the
policy of the "two eye witnesses", which is just insane!!!!!!!!!
Melissa, thank you for sharing, and I am glad it was healing
for you to write.
Hi to you too Rich!!!
Hey Johnny, still going for the throat I see.
Penny, hope you do well in school!!
Welcome to all the New ones!!!!!!!!
Jesika Thoman, Dallas-Tx
Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2003 7:31 AM
I am an ex-JW. I left for my own reasons that had nothing to
molestation. But two of my younger siblings were molested. One
elder, close friend of the family, and the other by the son of
ministerial servant. The elder had molested many young girls
in a 25+
year span. He was sent to jail, but the torment these young children
went through is irreprehensible. After the court case, my mother
had 'fallen away from the truth') was visited by an elder. His
encouragement and strength included the phrase that 'finally
time had come to clean up the organization'. He was chased away:
Jehovah can't be that cruel to the little children to know and
this kind of action. One of these girls apparently ended in a
institution. Twenty-five years of abusing 4- and 5-year old little
girls because the timing wasn't right to expose it, is quite
a cop out.
My sister had repressed the memory, and it came back to her almost
years later. When told about it, I went to an elder in my congregation.
My family had fallen away, and I was told it would look like
as worldly people, were just being vindictive against the organization.
Other girls came forward and he was charged.
My heart goes out to all victims within the organization, not
the sexual abuse, but also the mental and physical abuse women
children suffer at the hands of the head of their households.
was abused by my father for many years. It was kept silent. My
was abusive. I left against the exhortation of elders and the
overseer that my responsibility was to be a better Christian
There is life after disfellowshipping. I have remarried a wonderful
and together we are building a happy family life accepting all
children (regardless of religious belief) into our home and enjoying
grandchildren. We have a large extended family, and we enjoy
Thank you, for making public that the things we went through
isolated instances. There is nothing wrong with us, the problem
Keep up the good work!
Sent: Sunday, February 09, 2003 11:20 AM
Subject: Just Hello!
Just want to say hello to everyone. Good to see many new people
posting. However, sad to know there are so many that have been
hurt or harmed, but good to know they are thinking for themselves.
The reading of God's word is the best protection against becoming
a victim of any Counterfeit Christianity. Just imagine if we
did not have God's word to guide us!
Sent: Monday, February 10, 2003 9:08 AM
Subject: smclean810@aol. com
i am glad that you are all finally standing up to them my mom
became a witness when she got sick with cancer and i blame them
for taking her life she was told not to go for the treatments
that could have saved her life all of u stay strong and good
luck s from ontario
Sent: Monday, February 10, 2003 4:57 PM
Subject: Dream of young lady posted on 1/6 at 1:49 pm
What a pitiful story. It breaks my heart. I wish there was something
I could do. . . . . . . . but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. . . . . . . . Look up the
lawyers in Texas that are doing the class action suit. Please
add your names. And, if there is no statute of limitations,
sue the ass off the WT society and the Elders where this happened.
It is terrible that is the only way they will learn, but I'm
convinced it is. When there are liens on their homes and property
and they have to sell their cars, and fancy things. . . . . . . . they
owe you for the counseling you need.
I just want to put my arms around you and make it all go away,
I know that won't work, but there are those of us out here who
care what happens to you. If you feel like it, my name is Dani
and you can reach me at Danipugh@aol. com I will listen, I will
be there to just listen and pray that one day your heart will
Sent: Tuesday, February 11, 2003 1:06 AM
Subject: Ex-JW Book recommended by Psychology Today
I thought you may be interested to know that my book, AWAKENING
OF A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: Escape From the Watchtower Society (Prometheus
Books: 2002), received recognition and recommendation by the
respected magazine, PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, in the December 2002 issue.
No one is immune to influence from the persuasive, seductive
cult-like religious group known as Jehovah’s Witnesses
under leadership of the Watchtower Society. My book alerts the
public to the lures that this group uses to ensnare innocent
people. Many have fallen victim to the deceptions of this Organization;
the nightmare that these millions of people entered could have
been avoided if they had been aware of the deceitful, entrapping,
manipulative ways of the Watchtower Society.
This book is not a doctrinal treatise about Jehovah’s
Witnesses; instead, it is an issues-oriented human interest story
that reveals the inside story of twenty-five years of my adult
life in this religion. It spells out my vulnerability to the
enticements that the Witnesses use, the many abuses I suffered
while I was in the group, the horrendous psychological struggles
I experienced while trying to escape their mind-control methods
and induced phobias, and how a psychologist helped me to finally
succeed in breaking free from their grasp.
See www. dianewilson. net for Reviews, Author Bio, Photos, Excerpts,
Sent: Wednesday, February 12, 2003 12:21 PM
Subject: From Denmark
What Bill has done for child abuse victims, are just so great.
When you go to the elders, and tell about what had happen to
you. They just say you are one in a million, and they don't believe
you. But when Bill started the campaign, you could see that you
are not alone with the memories, of child abuse and the way you
got treated by the elders.
Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2003 2:14 PM
Subject: thank you
Thank you for bringing all of this to light. There are too many
children suffering at the hands of their families today. In other
religions people are encouraged to speak up, people support them
for doing it. Only as a witness are you punished for speaking
out. I was not a small child when a brother in the "the
Faith" chose to show me what the congregation thought of
me. I was 16 with a worldly boyfriend, so he felt I was a whore.
When he tried to force me to have sex, I ran. I was to scared
to let anyone know because I would be the one in trouble. A sister
thinking she would help, told my would be rapist that I had gone
to the elders. He in turn went to them telling them that I was
a whore because of my worldly associations and that I seduced
him. When my elders meeting came (which was 3 males against a
16 year old girl) I was informed that I had caused him to fail
in the faith and that I should be repentant.
I was accused & judged before my meeting had been going
two minutes. Then I was asked if I was repentant! How can I be
sorry for something that I didn't do? I told them no, and so
I was disfellowshipped. My parents told me to move out within
2 weeks, because my father was an elder. If I did not move out
they feared he would have to step down. When you aren't allowed
to have worldly friends and then you have only support taken
away that you know, life sucks. It was my worldly friends who
saved me, it was my worldly friends who helped me and it is my
worldly husband who has showed me how to trust again. I still
can't be alone with some men, It gives me panic attacks.
They can change your life in an instant. Yet the Watchtower
Society teaches us to blindly follow them. In this male dominant
faith, I can see why so many children are abused. They teach
them early on that children and wives must OBEY them in all things.
Children are taught to respect the elders above all else. Neither
of these are helpful for children or wives. I guarantee there
are millions more out there abused by the very faith they think
will save them. I have been disfellowshipped since 1989 and still
don't believe that I could have brought my would be rapist to
justice. Who would have supported my story? My Elders didn't,
my family didn't, and my so-called brothers and sisters didn't.
Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2003 4:48 PM
I am a former Jw. . My heart goes out to all of you who have
What saddens me the most is the stranglehold the organization
those within, and the hopelessness those feel who realize something
not right and leave. So many ask,what is the truth, I would like
that Jesus Christ is the truth, as well as the way and the life.
not about a religion but a relationship with him! He accepts
us as we
are, and he wants all of you to know him! Not take in accurate
of him, but know him! The truth will set you free! I would love
to anyone about my experiences with this organization, as well
about the one who can truly set us free! e-mail me at
chamberlainshe@yahoo. com Laura
Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2003 6:50 PM
Subject: the mole
hello everyone. just an update of the current meeting. my congregation
is going on like business as usual, they announced that the numbers
have increased in this last Kingdom Ministry article in which
we had to read verbatim. One article which made me laugh was
they announced"who is listening?" let me quote it to
all of you of how they capture the weak minded. "In territories
where it seems that few people listen to our message, we need
to concentrate on developing whatever interest we do find, whether
we place literature or not. When we sow seed, we do not know
where it will have success. . . we may be able to reach the person's
heart. . . the kingdom message, cultivation is needed, that takes
time, exertion, a caring attitude, and determination not to give
up. More than a third of a million people in whom seed had taken
root were baptized. " Even with all the facts, pictures,
and real life stories told they can still beat their drum to
those who sit in the kingdom halls like drones bragging and ignoring
the harm done to all those we know of. . . . . . . . the mole
Sent: Sunday, February 16, 2003 10:47 AM
Subject: In support of silentlambs
When I first saw the silentlambs website, I knew that I had
found someone or ones who cared. I was being tormented by some
very cruel personalities inside the JW religion. The reasons
why I contacted you had nothing to do with child molestation.
You rescued me in my distress and saved my sanity and possibly
my life. I've been so absorbed in the current incidents dealing
with JW's; I forgot that I'm actually a silentlamb myself. My
father tried to rape me when I was nine years old. Even though
I fought him off and got away from him that day. I was torn from
deep within. Later I found out that my dad had been molesting
my older sister for many years. My mother met with the elders.
I testified in behalf of myself. They spoke with my sister. Yet,
after the meeting was over. My mother complained that the elders
did not believe us. Silentlamb org. is so needed. God bless you
Sent: Monday, February 17, 2003 5:40 AM
It was more than only necessary to do "something".
I can remember my school-friend and that I was really astonished
that she tried a suicide with only 14 or 15 years. . . . . . . . . . Now
I can see clearly. I knew her family belongs to this religion
and I met her father and a completely devoted mother. Maybe she
is one of the lambs. . .
I try to make this web-site more popular in Germany and I hope
it will have "effect" to all sides - to the abused
children and to the criminal adults including these who try to "cover" all
with religious aspects.
Please go on with your work and I wish you all the best.
Once more CONGRATULATION!!
Ute ( Germany )
Sent: Thursday, February 20, 2003 2:48 PM
Subject: Guestbook entry
I am a former JW who has a page of advice at http://www. virushead. net/exjw. html
, and recommended reading, a web ring for former witnesses, and
awards for sites which offer compassionate healing and religious
Silentlambs was mentioned by two people who have charged a JW
in my original congregation with child molestation and rape.
I am carrying the story at http://www. virushead. net/jwnews. html.
If you have contact information for them, please give them my
best and tell them to have courage and hang in there. I am with
them in spirit. I have not been sexually molested, but I can
well understand the dynamic for someone who has. My love to both
of them (and perhaps K might even remember me). You may feel
free to pass on my contact information - I will not ask for theirs.
All best - love and light,
Sent: Friday, February 21, 2003 9:48 PM
Subject: Spewing more hatred
WT '74 7/l5 "do you know how to hate? These very strong
words are an expression of godly hate, and you too much have
this quality to be pleasing to God. Hate causes a feeling of
disgust to well up inside you. You loathe, abhor, despise the
object of your hatred. The D/F are to be hated in the sense of
avoiding them as we would poison or a poisonous snake"
Does this make you puke? I was bapt. in 74. . . . I was never taught
this. I was never lead to believe that if I wanted out of this
'religion' I could not just walk away.
I can't imagine the sorrow in Brother Bowen's life, and many
others out there. . . . . . . . . I only have one daughter who totally
rejects me now. But I ruined her life. . . . . how do you deal with
that? I can live with the wasted 28 years of my life, but how
do I live with ruining her life? Any advise?
D. from Spokane
Sent: Saturday, February 22, 2003 1:26 PM
Subject: Thank you
Dear Brother Bowen:
I am writing you as one who was raised in the Jehovah's Witness
faith. Several members of my family currently practice, and
throughout various periods in my life, I attended many meetings,
circulated many brochures, etc. However, being raised in a
house where my mother no longer practiced, I was always torn
between honoring her and honoring Jehovah. She wanted me to
pursue an education, while the elders preferred that I go into
the full-time ministry. The former won out, and I went to university
(which I am still in the midst of completing). That environment
was a whole new world to me, and it begun a long process of
self-examination and discovery within myself, as I tried to
figure out what was it that I wanted for myself. I knew deep
within my heart that I would no longer be effective as a member
of any congregation if I did not willingly want to commit to
serving Jehovah. So I quietly left without telling anyone,
as I pursued my studies. A year and a half later, I received
a phone call from the sister who conducted my personal study
when I was a teenager. It was great hearing from her, but I
sensed a vaguely Stepford-like tone as she extolled the values
of serving Jehovah and ministry. That was the moment when I
knew I made the right decision for myself, and I've never looked
There are many things I still believe and practice, as I do believe
that those particular things are for the benefit for *all* mankind.
I say this because the main problem I have with the organization
is its refusal to accept that we do live in this world, whether
we like it or not. We are taught not to get involved in "worldly
affairs," that Jehovah will take provide for us, but it
is such a narrow, one-sided view to live by! I honestly believe
that since God provided us with intellect, ration, and reason,
it is our responsibility to fix our own problems, right our own
wrongs, rather that expect divine intervention. Maybe my heart
is naive, but, as Anne Frank once wrote, I still believe that
despite all the evil around us, there is still goodness in ourselves
and that we must use it to our full advantage. It saddens me
that those elders, Bethelites, pioneers who claim to be doing
good are using it to manipulate and betray innocent people, then
turn their backs on those people when they need support and assistance!
It should not be tolerated by anyone who really believes what
the Bible (any version) says, but the fact that so many people
are brainwashed into this systematic shunning shows that they
are not closely examining and applying the Scriptures into their
own lives, as they claim to do, at the expense of many suffering
people. It angers me so much that a lot of this boorish behavior
has been conducted right under my nose.
I really did not expect to write this much, but I wanted to end
this letter by thanking you so much for getting the word out,
that Jehovah's Witnesses are not the "chosen people" they
claim to be. And for those who manage to escape - I have nothing
but the utmost respect for you. Keep on sharing your stories
with anyone who will listen! Let every detail be known! It will
be an uphill battle for the rest of your life, but it will be
worth the closure and peace of mind.
Sent: Monday, February 24, 2003 8:08 PM
Subject: Diane Wilson's book
A couple of days ago I finished reading Diane Wilson's book,
Awakening Of A Jehovah's Witness, and I would like to highly
recommend it to everyone! It is a very eye opening, mind blowing
book! As a former Witness with some family who are in that religion,
it meant a lot to me to read Diane's book. It's an excellent
book, very well written! My father, who has never been a Witness,
is also reading it, and other people he and I have told about
this book want to read it, as well. My personal impression of
the Watchtower and Bible Tract Society is that it seems like
one big, glorified pyramid company that hooks people in and keeps
them hooked through various subtle and sometimes not so subtle
manipulative means. The book clearly shows how ridiculous so
many of the ever changing doctrines are. When people are right
in the middle of the religion they can't always see the sheer
goofiness of some things. The book sure brings it out well! I
really appreciate this book and hope it becomes a very widely
Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2003 11:56 AM
Subject: i was raped by my father a former elder
Hi my name is N.
I just found this website because a local news-channel just did a investigative
report on JW's hiding pedophiles. I found it ironic because the JW that abused
me used to work for that same tv station. . .
I've been seeing a counselor since last fall and when I started going I had
no memory of the abuse. I was born into that religion, raised an elder's
daughter, was horribly depressed and didn't know why. I went to the hospital
once on a suicide attempt that almost killed me. Two elders visited me in
intensive care and told me "if ever needed someone to talk to. . . ".
They never tried to find out why I would do something like that.
I was in an elder's meeting about me smoking and went in there
with a Nicoderm patch to show them that
I had quit for good. And by the way, here's entire box of disks
with my dads child porn/bondage collection me and my mom pulled
off his computer. They refused
to look. Changing the subject they told me to pray and get rid
of my one worldly friend who was the influence that got me to
When I went back for the follow up meeting, I was honest and told them I had
only made an effort to pray once because I felt uncomfortable to approach
Jehovah in prayer. And by the way I want to tell you that my dad gave me a
massage, took my clothes off down to my underwear and complimented my butt.
At that one of the three elders turned on me in a complete rage
and asked me how my clothes got off, implying that I had teased
him and stripped. They then went in the other room to pray and
came back to announce that they had decided to disfellowship
What did I get disfellowshipped for? Smoking? No, I had quit.
Wordly association? Not a disfellowshipping offense, just looked
down upon. Now after 4 years of being "out", my father
is still there. He was put on "private reproof", and
somehow still allowed to say prayers and go in field service.
I now remember what happened after he took my clothes off, he
forced oral sex on me and raped me. I wish I had remembered that
to tell the elders at the time, but I had blocked all of the
I now have reason to believe that his father also abused me.
(also still in the religion in another state) But how the hell
do I PROVE any of it?!? I want my father behind bars so bad -
but how do you prove what you didn't remember to tell someone
Thank you for this website and the knowledge that I was not an isolated incident
of abuse in that religion.
And I definitely agree with the one woman about the Witnesses
being under a demonic influence. I could write a lot more about
when I was at Bethel and what went on there. Maybe when I have
more time. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this,
I feel a little better. I love all my "silentlamb" brothers
and sisters. We don't need those assholes to make us be quiet
Sincerely, N. G.
What a wonderful, truthful site this is. Finally! All the girl
children in my family were molested by our maternal grand monster
(father) from very early on. We found out one by one of each
others abuse. When my sister called CPS at the age of thirteen
and was taken from the home, she had told of her molestation
but was to fearful to say who it was. She was then disassociated
and labeled on the podium at a Thursday night meeting, an apostate.
The entire JW community shunned her as well as our entire family,
she had no one! Now she is dead! She lived a traumatic life,
having no trust in anyone. She got drunk 5 1/2 years ago and
ran into a tree. No one, other than myself, ever had anything
to do with her.
One year after my sister was removed from the house, still keeping
my silence at that point out of shear fear, I watched as the
monster looked at my little 8 year old sister with those predator
eyes, and I knew it had to end. I told my mother that day, and
instantly she believed me! Now I understand that when she was
also molested as a young girl by him, her father.
There was a pow wow called that included my mother, my stepfather,
and the child molesters wife, my grandmother. My grandmother
wanted me to tell her to her face my story of abuse. So I did.
Her only response was "Don't tell your uncle, he will kill
him!" At that point I was dismissed. I had assumed that
now that the truth was out in this God fearing ~ serving ~ Truthful
family, that my sister would come home, and the molester would
go away. Not so.
A week later, after total silence on the subject, I was told
that we were going to a Brother and Sister's house for lunch,
and that the molester would be there, but that he would stay
away from me, and I could just avoid him. At that very moment
I could have died! He had already told my grandmother that I
was a liar just like my sister, and I assume she took that as
absolute truth. At this moment I knew that it would be swept
under the carpet and hopefully I would forget it. Remember, "Forgive
and Forget!" That was now the knew mantra in the family.
Since I grew up in a fanatical JW family, with the grandmother
as the matriarch and everyone else under her, I was taught total
fear and guilt for everything. SO when nothing was done I just
played the game I was expected to play.
Unfortunately my telling the truth did not stop the abuse. Remember
my grandmother telling me "Don't tell you uncle he will
kill him!"? Well my uncle did find out, not because I told
him, but because his own daughter, my cousin, told him about
the abuse she was suffering from this sick monster. Did my uncle
kill the molester (his father)? No, he chose the family way of
sweeping it under the carpet.
To this day it is not mentioned. I have tried to air it out,
ask why no one helped us, but they say that I need to quit dwelling
on it and move on. That would be fine to move on, but since this
has never been addressed, I still seek answers from those responsible.
I now have a handful of abusers to blame and dwell on. My mother,
stepfather, grandmother, and uncle, because they felt bound by
their faith in some sick way and never protected the children
in the family. I do not know if the elders were aware, but they
probably are. I left that brainwashing years ago
and have been very successful in leaving the fear of the elders
and the guilt of the congregation and my family behind, it took
awhile to de-program, but I did it.
The Molester died a year after my sister of complications from
Alzheimer's disease in peace, at home, next to his devoted wife.
Makes me sick! I didn't go the funeral, didn't send a card. That
alone was a huge fight with the family who thought I should support
my grandmother in her grieving. It was liberating to say "NO!" I
will not support or celebrate the life of a man who stole the
light out of children's eyes, or the family who supported him,
in the name of faith and love of the Almighty Jehovah.
For all of you who have suffered, my thoughts of love and healing
go out to you. We must make a stand, and this is a great forum!
Sent: Monday, February 25, 2002 9:43 PM
Subject: In Dedication To All Of You
To everyone who has ever been the victim at the hand of a selfish
person. To everyone who's voice has been silent. To every single
man, woman and child who have been forced to remain quiet, I
want to share this gentle reminder. Along with those who perpetrate
these senseless vicious crimes, God knows that they did this.
God is all Sovereign and is aware of every single activity in
this universe. What someone does in darkness will be brought
to light. For all of you who have suffered at the hands of wickedness.
Know that as we draw our last breath on Earth and leave our earthly
tents (our bodies) we all will stand before God at some time
and receive judgment.
There will not be one idle thought of evil done that will escape
Gods eyes of Justice. I offer this thought up to you. Forgive
the sin done against you and then it is left in Gods hands to
deal with and and you can go on to heal from this. Rely on the
wisdom of God and Prayer along with your counseling for healing.
I pray that you all heal from this and Trust in the God of Abraham
to hold you close to him. Satan wants to destroy the greatest
institution ever created "the Family Unit". Let's remain
strong in the Lord and never give into the evils of Satan.
Sent: Thursday, February 27, 2003 9:17 AM
i studied with the JWs"s for 7 months. 7 months isn't a
very long time but it was longing enough for me to be contemplating
suicide. i fell in love with a JW woman and and for a year i
was kept a secret from the the brothers and sisters of her fellowship.
it made me fell like the smallest person on earth. i kept asking
myself how can this be showing gods love? i would ask my girlfriend
questions that she could not answer. and the only way to get
answers is to go and study so i could better understand. so that's
what i did. i believe i was manipulated and lied to. nothing
made sense. i would ask questions about certain beliefs and i
was talked in circles until i was speechless. i was told just
hand in there it will make sense, " its like a puzzle, you
finish the outside then fill it in from there". the jws
were giving me no foundation to there beliefs. i kept studying
and going to the kingdom hall because i was deeply in love with
my JW girlfriend. i believe that she too was molested as a child
and is still keeping all that pain inside. Jesus Christ is the
Light of the world unfortunately the jw's beliefs have taken
the light of the world and made it somewhat dark. i will pray
for all the people who have been abused sexually, emotionally,
spiritually and mentally. i can be reached at willtt@comcast. net