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Abused Lambs                                                      Page 10

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Poems and Thoughts

Speak Out

If you would like to share your story, send it to: story@silentlambs.org

Reprinted excerpts may be edited for spelling and context.

Sent: Monday, January 06, 2003 1:49 PM

 

I was up all night last night, same dream, same faces, same questions that have haunted me for over 20 years. I was a child of JW family, I never was a JW. I make that clear, because my participation was forced and my subservience was acquired through punishment and intimidation. I was molested for a period of about 5 years by a ministerial servant, who also happened to be my step-grandfather. My step-father unfortunately fell right into his father's footsteps. My life as a child was akin to a POW camp, beatings,humiliation, ostracization and isolation, brainwashing...... and that was only the beginning. All my life I have asked the same questions, never to be answered....WHY WHY WHY? I prayed and read my bible and prepared for every single meeting, please Jehovah, protect me, make it stop. I made deals with God, if you make it stop, I'll dedicate my life to you. But it didn't stop. I told so many within the congregation, so did my little sister. No one helped, no one saved us. We would hold hands and pray, but instead of our prayers being answered, things got worse. We had a big meeting at our house, all the elders and my mom and step-dad and us children. We were told to stop wearing t-shirts and sweaters and blue jeans. We were tempting him, it was our fault. My mother was told to lose weight so that my step-father would be attracted to her sexually. It was everyone's fault but his. He showed no remorse or repentance, and they left us there to pay. Pay for telling, pay for reaching out for help. My mother hated us, we were now competition. My step fathers beatings got worse, he got away with it and now he had no reason to fear. The congregation shunned us, we weren't welcome in our peers homes, people whispered about us. We had no association in the "world" we had nothing and nobody but each other. We all escaped eventually, my brother ran away at 15, my sister at 14 and I left at 16. We all had problems with drug and alcohol abuse. Bad marriages, and psychiatric treatments, both in and outpatient. Neither my sister nor I can go into any church, even though its been 20 years. Its like every time you eat at a restraint and you get food poisoning, you can't even look at a restraint without getting sick to your stomach. I can't look at a Kingdom Hall, or any church for that matter without my knees shaking and an undeniable urge to run. I have made peace with my past, my Mother who never protected me, my grandfather who loved me, yet molested me for 5 years and even my step father whose sadism made our lives worse than any hell the bible could describe. I forgive them, they were sick. But all the brothers and sisters in our congregation who turned their eyes away from our suffering, them who could have eased our pain, hunger and torment, for them I can find no forgiveness. They say it is their duty as christians to be persecuted for their faith, I say the persecution heaped upon us as children makes their persecution nothing. May each and every one of them suffer half the torment my sisters and brothers did for half the time we suffered, and may God have mercy on their souls. Thank you silentlambs for giving me a voice and soothing my shame.

 


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In 1997, the day after having gone on a fishing trip with my husband, my husband's friend and this friend's father-in-law (all Jehovah Witnesses), my then 5 year old son came in the kitchen and said : Mom, he touched my
penis. I said "What???!!! Who????!!!" It was the father-in-law.

I called at once my husband on the phone, he was flabbergasted. I then called his friend, but his wife answered (the daughter of the molester). She said my son was crazy and had behavioral problems (he has ADHD). She was
very furious. I said to her : watch out, you have children too...

We immediately reported this to the elders. It took a month until we finally managed to have this heard in a
judicial committee to which my son had to explain to the elders in the presence of his molester everything that was done to him. He was masturbated on the boat right under their noses, my husband and his friend having their backs
turned, and the molester was sitting at one end of the boat with my son, grabbing his genitals. And on the trip back, my son was sitting in the back seat of the car with the molester right beside him, my husband was driving
and his friend sat beside him in the passenger seat.

My son was molested throughout the whole trip back home without anyone noticing anything... He was never alone with my son, so how could this have happened, right? Pedophiles are not necessarily idiots. Now that he is eleven years old, he can tell everything as it happened. But did the elders believe a five year old hyperactive troublesome child? Of course they didn't, they believed the molester who denied everything saying my son was agitated and rubbed his thighs to calm him. And what could my son say? He was very embarrassed to talk about this and didn't know exactly how to explain things, what else to expect from a 5 year old? And what about us, the parents? Believe it or not, we bought into it, we believed this molester, who by the way was visiting our country - he was an elder in
his congregation in his country The Philippines.

Was this reported to the police? No. We were encouraged to keep this inside the congregation. Let the shepherds deal with this matter. What was done? He lost his privilege to be an elder. That's all I can remember. And we were told not to tell anyone about this. He has since moved to our country and is still a member of the ORGANIZATION.

After watching THE FIFTH ESTATE last night, it backfired... This morning I talked to my son about the abuse, after keeping this silent for 5 1/2 years, and what he told me made me feel sick to my stomach. We are going to do
something about this, but not through the congregation this time, we are going to the police. I have never gone back to the meetings since, but my husband keeps going. He talked to one of the elders tonight and he said that we should report this to the authorities. I think they are starting to realize that things are getting way out of hand and they had better make certain adjustments if they want to keep the sheep in the flock.

I'm planning to send a copy of this letter to all my in-laws who are JW upon approval by my son. That way, they'll know why I'm going to leave the ORGANIZATION. The elders had the responsibility and the duty to inform
the justice system. Guess what?...News flash: THEY FAILED TO DO SO. We all failed the victim. It makes me sick to think about the rage my son must have felt when not even his own parents believed him. The humiliating minutes he suffered at the hands of this bastard smiling at him. Not to mention the potential victims he could have molested in the past 5 years.

LP

 

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I was 14 when it happened, and I think he was the first love of my life. The only problem was D was the husband of one of my dearest friends and he was 28yrs old. It started on July 4th 1980 and in a matter of months my entire world was turned upside down. I had been spending a lot of time a t D's grandparents house, hanging out with his sister P. I didn't know it then but I was one of many that this happened to. D's wife later told me she was at a loss for what to do. I was fortunate the abuse was not sexual per se, but it was molestation just the same. I went to the elders some time later with what D did. They did nothing, he continued on, even so far as going after his own sister. It wasn't until many more years later when D got in trouble again. I approached the Elders again. To my surprise these Elders did not even know about the accusations I had levied more than 10 yrs before. D was disfellowshipped in 2000. I asked to confront him and was ! told no. Finally in late 2002 I was granted my confrontation request, but only because I threatened legal action. D admitted what he did, and tried to blame me for the situation. They have now reinstated D to full privileges in the congregation, I am very concerned that he will go after young girls again-- if he ever stopped at all. I called the WatchTower Society last night and they hung up on me.

AD


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I do not know where to begin. But I will start at the beginning. My husband was raised as a witness and I have never heard of them. Well at first I was very interested in them. They were so nice to me. Then it all started when my husband's father would talk down to his wife and belittle her in front of people so I wondered what went on behind the close doors.

 

Then my husband started to hit me. We then got pregnant and we were not married, his dad said that we would have to get married because he was getting appointed to be an elder. The whole congregation shunned me as a result.

 

We finally got married and it got worse the beatings happened everyday. We then moved away from my family because his dad said we had to come with them by this time I was so scared of them. We moved nine hours away from my family and friends to only find out that his dad is the same way.

 

One day my husband and I got into a fight in the car and his mom and dad followed us. When we stopped his mom got in the van and was hitting me as well. All of a sudden I was dragged outside the van and kicked by his father in the stomach. (I was pregnant).

 

I put my husband in jail for six months and that was all it took for him to see the light about his family. He has never hit me again since and that has been two years. But his father is still an elder and when I went to talk to the elders they said that there had to be two other people there to see it and that there was nothing they could do.

 

Now his family does not even call there three grandchildren because there are not witnesses. I really do not care but they still send magazines to the door. We just moved and by chance they found out where we are and because I would not answer the door one time they are sending them to us in the mail. So now I have been sending them back.

 

AR


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Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2003 2:14 PM

Subject: thank you

Thank you for bringing all of this to light. There are too many children suffering at the hands of their families today. In other religions people are encouraged to speak up, people support them for doing it. Only as a witness are you punished for speaking out. I was not a small child when a brother in the "the Faith" chose to show me what the congregation thought of me. I was 16 with a worldly boyfriend, so he felt I was a whore.

When he tried to force me to have sex, I ran. I was to scared to let anyone know because I would be the one in trouble. A sister thinking she would help, told my would be rapist that I had gone to the elders. He in turn went to them telling them that I was a whore because of my worldly associations and that I seduced him. When my elders meeting came (which was 3 males against a 16 year old girl) I was informed that I had caused him to fail in the faith and that I should be repentant.

I was accused & judged before my meeting had been going two minutes. Then I was asked if I was repentant! How can I be sorry for something that I didn't do? I told them no, and so I was disfellowshipped. My parents told me to move out within 2 weeks, because my father was an elder. If I did not move out they feared he would have to step down. When you aren't allowed to have worldly friends and then you have only support taken away that you know, life sucks. It was my worldly friends who saved me, it was my worldly friends who helped me and it is my worldly husband who has showed me how to trust again. I still can't be alone with some men, It gives me panic attacks.

They can change your life in an instant. Yet the Watchtower Society teaches us to blindly follow them. In this male dominant faith, I can see why so many children are abused. They teach them early on that children and wives must OBEY them in all things. Children are taught to respect the elders above all else. Neither of these are helpful for children or wives. I guarantee there are millions more out there abused by the very faith they think will save them. I have been disfellowshipped since 1989 and still don't believe that I could have brought my would be rapist to justice. Who would have supported my story? My Elders didn't, my family didn't, and my so-called brothers and sisters didn't.
JK


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Hi, my name is L and I was sexually molested by my Stepfather from the time I was very young. I am now 56 years old and the nightmares continue. He is an Elder in the Jehovah's Witnesses and was never prosecuted for this horrible crime. After many years of hiding this horrible secret, I wrote to the overseer in the Congregation, NOTHING was done to him! They advised too much time had passed since he did this to me and that I was "promiscuous" anyway. How in the world can a very young girl of 10 years old become promiscuous? Well, after years of being sexually molested and scared to death by a man who is supposed to be your "Father", what do you expect a teenager to become??????? I cannot believe that he can go on with his life, after my Mother died, he remarried and had a little girl!!!! Good grief, what is he doing to her I wonder? I have been through three disastrous marriages and am now on antidepressants and went through therapy but my whole life is ruined as I cannot get what he had done to me out of my mind and live with this day in and day out. I now live alone and have gone through panic attacks, migraine headaches and severe depression stemming from my young age of being molested. There is no answer, but how can they close their eyes to the fact that this man molested me??? He put me through the tortures of hell and the hell will continue until I die as what he did to me cannot be erased. And they call themselves people of God?

 

LL


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If you would like to share your story, send it to:
story@silentlambs.org
Reprinted excerpts may be edited for spelling and context.

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