Another Suicide
This is a post I do not know exactly how to start. I am still in a bit of shock as I just got off the phone and was informed a dear xjw friend committed suicide Friday night. Dear Adrell, was an abuse survivor, a victim of rape, and her mother shunned her till she passed from cancer five years ago. As with most xjws she foundered for a friend and how to socially interact. She enrolled in college, moved from NY to Flordia to be with non JW family only to be treated horribly by her JW family there. She would often call me and tell me her problems, I guess I became a type of anchor/father figure to normalcy for her or just a place where she could be understood. We discussed her fears, boyfriends, job, school, politics, JW stuff just about anything that would flow from a conversation from someone you could simply trust. Over the years I have had several people I have met through Silentlambs, that I don't know, look as me as one of the few elders that really cared and tried to help them move forward.
Adrell called me when her mother died, and cried as she told me how much she missed her, she told me about how people had abused her trust and hurt her. While there was not much I could do physically, I tried to always have her back and try and help her move forward knowing not all people are evil. We would exchange funny jokes and memes through texts, as a kind of way to let her know I was always there if she needed me. Sometimes she would call at a most inopportune moment, but I always called her back or sent her a text to let her know I was there.
Earlier this year I lost my xjw sister to suicide so this is a kind of fresh wound that I am still recuperating from. To see this evil cult claim yet another by taking away all their trust, people skills, coping ability, hurting them by abuse, and then dumping them like a piece of garbage brings forth a rage that cannot be vented. It turns into to hopeless tears of not feeling you did enough to assist those that are so broken. This morning I feel that deep pit of despair and loss as I write about a dear, sweet, kind, good person, that would never hurt a fly, but literally had her wings eviscerated by a world wide publishing corporation that does not give a shit.
This morning while having my weekly breakfast with my son, I got a call from Adrell's phone. I pushed decline and decided to call her after, as I wanted to give my son my full attention. When I got home I called to be answered by Adrell's significant other who sobbed to tell me the news. Without going into details Adrell died in the most horrific way you could imagine. I still cannot get my head around it. When I think about the smug reaction of JWs who say, "Well that is what happens when you leave Jehovah." It makes me want to buy an assault rifle.
Adrell, I loved you as a friend with war wounds in common and feel your pain and suffering. My only consolation is that hopefully you are finally at peace for all the suffering that was unjustly brought upon you. I wish you to find that better place of happiness and new beginnings, of safety, unconditional love and trust that we all seek to find. You will forever be in my memory and in quiet moments I might even talk to you, I hope you are listening because you will be missed, you will forever be my friend.
If you knew Adrell I can put you in touch with her family.
If you want to do something consider supporting Silentlambs.org we continue to give a voice and manage a hotline to help those that suffer. Thank you to all that have in the past.